“Fit your own mask before helping others”

We’ve all heard this phrase before and could be forgiven for thinking its a little selfish. We feel this topic expands further than just the mask on the plane. In particular: taking care of and spending time on yourself.

On the most basic level, you fit your own oxygen mask first because spending those precious first moments helping others will result in your own oxygen running out. You will render yourself useless, unable to help anyone including yourself. You’re done.

So why, when presented with challenging situations in life, do so many of us offer to help others before really checking that we are OK ourselves?

How many times have your friends been in a jam and before you even hear the words coming out of your mouth you’ve offered to do their grocery shop, collect their kids from school, cook them dinner and feed their dog?! Ok maybe that’s a little extreme, but you see where we’re coming from. Maybe this is just us, and please feel free to let us know if it is!

It’s so important to check in with yourself first before giving yourself to others in such a way that will stretch you beyond your limits, for you to only realise long after you’ve actually snapped.

For example, in the above scenario, where your friend is in said jam. Think! Fit your mask before helping with hers/his:

• What have you got on this week?

• Do you have time to do all you have offered AND still do everything you need to do for you and your own commitments?

• Do you have time to do all you have offered without stretching yourself to psycho-inducing mood swings?

• Do you have time to do all you have offered and still have time for your own family, grocery shop, chef duties and dog?!

If you do, by all means go for it. We are totally all about helping others and give you a solid high five! Similarly, if you can shuffle things around this week and put certain items off the agenda then again, go for it. It is when you can’t shuffle and you try to do everything for you and for them that you’re in trouble.

As we’ve said, the reason you fit your mask first is because without it you are useless.

The same applies with your time and energy.

If you give all of your time and energy to others with no regard for yourself, you are going to be, we’re sorry to tell you, useless. You will be impatient, moody, a poor listener, distracted and ultimately, not a great support to anybody. This totally defeats the object as the reason you’re running around like a headless chicken in the first place is most probably to support those around you!

Our view for spending time and energy describes a few very important circles around you, with YOU in the centre. Remember, you have a finite amount of time and energy and as you progress to each new circle, your available time and energy decreases.

Here’s an example circle:

This is just an example – your layers may be totally different, more or less. Give it a go and see who is centred around you.

Next, imagine your time and energy as 100% and apportion it out to your layers. If you’re having a tough week, you may need 90% for yourself, leaving 10% to layer 1 and that is you maxed out – no doing the grocery shop for your best friend’s auntie’s neighbour because their car has broken down. That’s it. And that is ok.

Conversely, some weeks 20% will be enough for you, you’ll apportion the rest evenly, and even make a kind donation of time and energy to your local volunteer centre.

We can all budget with our finances; we physically cannot stretch them any further than what we we have in the bank (ok, let’s not discuss credit cards). It’s about realising when your time and energy ‘bank’ really is maxed out and not trying to find yourself an overdraft.

Finally, remember that in order to be a strong support to others, you must first concentrate on strengthening and caring for yourself. This applies to whether you want to be a great partner, friend or even a leader in work life.